Hmfs

I feel so distant from everyone...
I feel so distant from the one person I've never wanted to be distant with.
I just wish I could into hiding forever.
This isn't where I wanted my life to be. I just want to recieve as much from you as I give you. It seems like everytime I think everything is fine. It isn't. I am happy but at the same time I am breaking down. I don't get it. I really don't. I guess I am just scared. Fuck. =/
I have been putting all my heart and faith in this. And once again it seems like it's going to be a waste. And in the end I am going to be hurting worse then I ever have. It isn't fair. I try and be the best person I can. I try and treat others the way I want to be treated. Yet, it always seems like I am getting screwed over. Blah. I hate that I like blogging so much also. It seems like that's what I'd rather be doing constantly rather then going out and "living" my life. I think I am going to start blogging more. I have no one to listen to me. Well, I should probably take that back. I am sure I have someoene to listen to me. But, it's not who I really want to be there teh most for me. I just want to spill my heart out to you like I used to. I want you to wonder if anything is wrong when I seem down. I want you to listen to me and hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay.
I can dream can't I? If anything I am just getting my hopes up for me to obviously fall. Fuck.

Worse situation ever

maybe Iwill feel better after blogging. Probably not but it's worth a try.. I don't think that anything can make me feel better, besides you, and I doubt you want to. It's okay.. It's all my fault you don't feel the same as you did before. I wish you did. I pray everyday that you will go back to the way you were. Now, we're in the worse situation we'll ever be in. And it's not going to go my way. It's going to go yours. Even if it's not what I want even if I am against it. FUCKZ. =[

Not having a computer

sucks. Ecks. I hate it I hate it I hate it. Well, everything has looked up once again. It's great. It really is. I wonder how long things will stay like this. I am happy, I love being happy. I hope I am making you as happy as you are making me. Yupp, lovely.. I just have so many insecurities though. Ecks. And it's not your fault. I just I don't know. I don't even know if I should be worrying or not. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should. Who knows? And I don't want to freet over it anymore. I just want to calm down and stay positive and hope for the best. You are my world you are my everything. I am glad I have you back.