I think

it's safe for my heart. I really do. I'm not scared anymore. I love you so much. And I finally trust you with my heart again. You give me the greatest feelings ever. Feelings that I adore. I'm head over heels for you. I really am. <3.

I've never been so scared in my life

I've never been so scared in my life. I've never been so scared thinking about one person hurting me. If it happens again, I just don't know what I'd do. I really don't. I've never wanted to be with one person so bad. I've never wanted to spend the rest of my life with one person. I've never really wanted a future with just one person. But, I'm just so scared that I am going to get hurt again. I've still put my heart completely in. Let's just hope this time, it lasts like I know it should.

And I've shut down

Completly now.
I'm done.
I'm done with everything and everyone.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything I've done.

I can not do this anymore

I really can't.
I've been hanging by a string for too long, but now I can't do this.
I can't.
I am completely shutting down.

I don't know how

to compute all of this. I just don't know. I don't want to move away from the place that I grew up. I thought we'd always be there. And even after the flood, i thought that we'd be right there, just in a new house, but hey, we remodled is what I'd tell myself. But, now we have to move somewhere else. I just can not do t his. I don't know why. ecks. And I have no one.. Everyone's walked away from me. I need someone. I need someone now. But, the only person I ever open up to, actually the only person that I trust left me. How the fuck can I get through this. I know it could be worse. But right now for me, this is my worst. If that makes sense. Blah. I think I've lost my mind fo realz this time. I'm starting to not feel like myself again. Fuck.