I just cant see

myself with anyone other then you.
I made up my mind that you were all I wanted a very long time ago.
I know eventually I will neecd to change the way I feel.
But, as of right now it's not going to change.
And I don't want to be with anyone other then you.
I wish you could just feel the same way about me as you used to.
Love does not die.
It just doesn't.
I just wish you'd let this work out.
I know it can.
I suppose i can be lonely if you're happy.
But, I just love you so very much. And want to be with you more than anything..
=[
I just don't understand why I am not good enough for you anymore.
Why you just gave up on me.,
I trusted you with everything I had.
Now I am left with nothing.
I am a mess.
I am nothing without you.
Hmfs.
I am not okay. I wish I was.
But, I am not okay at all.
Why can't I just be happy without you? Why can I just not be unattached?
Why can't I just get rid of my feelings for you as you did to me?
Fuck this.
Fuck everything.

It has been

almost a month now and nothing has gotten any easier.
If anything it's only gotten harder.
And I hate this.
I want you so very badly.
I want you with all my heart and soul..... ='[
Ef.

"Oh baby baby baby please My heart sinks to my feet What am I supposed to do I think about you nightly "

Music

is my only escape now.

I need to

leave this place. And never come back.
Never look behind me.
Never look back.
Never think of this place again.
I need to leave now.

I've come to the conclusion

that no matter what it is in my life.
If it's good I am going to ruin it.
I am going to just completely and utterly fucking ruin it.
I want to run away from everything. Just fucking hide away.
I don't need to be here. There's no reason.
I just disapoint. And that's how it's always going to be.

I want to scream

at the top of my lungs so you know that I still exsist.
I want to exsist. I don't want to fade away. I can't be happy without you. I've tried so hard. Hmfs. I just want to be happy. I just, I dont know anymore. Why can nothing go my way? I just want things to go my way just once... >_>

Wrong

about everything once again
Yep.
FUCK.
Myranda=Fucking moron.
I just wanted to believe in you. I put way to much of my trust in you. And once again I am stuck fucking hating myself.
Once again I am stuck in this fucking slump. A slumpp you keep pulling me out of and than putting me right back in it.
FUCKKK.

I was wrong

it wasn't okay to feel safe.
And to think that everything was going to go my way.....
I hate my life.
I just want to crawl under a rock and never come out again.
I just don't want to be around anymore.

This just is not

where I wanted my life to be at.
I saw myself either graduated or getting ready to.
I saw us happier than ever. Getting ready to move in together. To plan the rest of our life together. This is just so disapointing. I want it to be at that point so very bad. I know it's not going to happen. But, that's what I want so very bad. Eh. FML

Wondering

how i am supposed to feel. I feel love and lots of it. i give love and lots of it. i want some in return. i know youre capable. you've done it before and recently. ecks.

i'm done

thinking positive. theres no point in it.
everytime i do i just end up being incredibly disapointed.

I just

want to sleep forever.
I wish I could talk to someone that wasn't my blog.
I just want to be able to talk to somene. And I am supposed to have people.
But, it just doesn't seem like I do anymore. Well, I mean, The ones that do listen.
I just feel like I shouldn't bother them anymore.. Eh.. :(

Whirlwind

of emotions. And I am tired of it. I just want to feel normal for once. I don't want to constantly be alone anymore. I'm tired of being alone. I hate it. It gives me way too much time to think. I don't like to think about the things I think of. Ut oh. About to go dream about zombies.

Just going to think

positive from now on.
I don't think Ihave anything to worry about

I wish I would've

listend when everyone said that nothing would be different..
Because nothing is different.
I let myself get caught up all over again.
And now it's happening again.
Now I just feel like a complete moron.
Yupp.

I can't believe how

happy I am.. Yet, feeling so insecure and worrysome. I didn't even think it could be possible to feel those all together. I am so happy.. Yet, so scared at the same time. But, maybe that's the beauty of it.. Maybe that's how I am supposed to feel.. I just don't want this to be taken away from me again. It's so wonderful. Which is why I am letting the little things that bother me slip away.. I love the way things are going. I am soooooo happy. I just feel like it's so right. :DDDD

:DDDDDDD SMILES SMILES SMILES SMILES SMILES!!!!!!!!!!

It might be too early

to say this. But, I honestly think that we are going on the right track.
I hope I am right. I really do.
I don't feel scared.
I am trying to think as positive as I can.
I just am so happy.
Even when I seem like I am sad, I'm not.
I am so happy. :DDD

Blogg'd.
:D

I feel

amazing. Yet, I am scared. Oh so scared.
EF.. >_<

I Don't understand

how everything can go back to being perfect.
Than than the next day it starts going to way it's going now...
It just doesn't make sense.

I didn't.

realize how long it has been since I blogged. Maybe that's why I have felt so sad lately. I don't really have anyone to talk to. I only have one problem in life. Him. I hate the fact that I love. I hate the fact that he's been so misleading. I just don't get this at all. Heh. I just can't move on. This has been a problem since what Febuary? And yet, everything gets better for a little bit, and than all at once all of my happiness is ripped away from me. I can't take it anymore. I really can't. I can not be happy without him. I try so very hard. So hard. Yet, it just doesn't happen. I just want my life back. I just want it back so bad. That'd be the greatest thing ever. Eh. My mind seriously just feels like it's going to explode. My whole body hurts, all the time. I just don't feel like myself. And I just want things to go my way for once. Just once. I just want to be content.. I just want to feel content for just a little while. FUCK. >_<

I just

don't feel the same around everyone anymore. I don't know why, but, I feel so out of place. I probably shouldn't. But, I do. I just know what I want. And I don't know. GRR.>_<. Maybe my mind should explode.

Confusion

Is what I hate.
No one can confuse my emotions as much as you do. I want to believe that you love me. And I want to believe that you mean it. But, I just don't know where you want this to go. And that scares me. It scares me more than anything. I just really want you to want this relationship to go to the same place that I want it to go. Eh. I can't be without you. And I dont even want to try and be without you. You're my everything. You really are. I am not afraid of being alone. I just found the person who my heart recognizes as it's other half. Gah.. You're so confusing. But, than again maybe that's why I am so drawn to you. You make me work for what I want. And I kinda like that. I just wish that if that's what you are doing. It could be done with a little less heartbreak sometimes. I need attention sometimes. Eh. I really do. It'd be nice if you'd give me a tad bit more. But than again, maybe I should just be happy with what I have? Eh. I don't know.

It's

been awhile since I have wrote something. I think that's a good sign for me? It seems like I tend to blog more when I am upset. I haven't really been extremely upset in awhile. And I am happy about that. Everything has been pretty good. I think that my relationship might actually be going the way that I want it to go. At least I hope that it is. My life seems to be stuck. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back to school, but I do want a high school diploma. I just wish I would not have gotten so caught up in my emotions and had been able to finish last semester. Instead of screwing shit up. I don't know. I don't really know what to say right now. I am pretty content with everything. Just a few minor problems come up. But they are no biggies just things that I seem to over react about.

Everything

Seems to be going the way that I want them to go.
I am going to be more cautious this time though.
I can't go into with my whole heart all at once this time.
I just have to take it slow with myself.
It's just so hard not to go into this with everything I have.
I really do want to go into it with everything I do have, but I am just scared. I trusted you with everything my heart my soul and you hurt me again. And why I don't even know.
And you came back, and I know that I didn't make you feel bad or make you feel like you had to be with me. I did everything in my power to not talk to you, to ignore you, to act like you were not effecting me at all. Even though I was just completely numb. I couldnt stop crying. But, I just didn't let it show. Even after how much I have been hurt by you. I love you more than ever. I get the greatest feeling whenever we are near. And I would not trade it for anything in the world. All I want is for this to be the greatest thing ever which I know it can be. I do not want any one other than you. I could never imagine being with any one but you. I just, I don't know what to do. I can trust you with my heart again, and I will. I just hope that I am making the right choice. I do love you more than anything in the whole wide world. I just need you to try. Try like I know you can. Try like I know you want to. I know that you have problems but I don't care. We can get past it. =D <3

Once again

I'm heartbroken by you.
I wish I would've listened to everyone else. For once. I hate this.
I can't do this again.
I wasn't whole to begin with.
Now I just feel everything I have left slipping away.
I do nothing but cry over you.
Why did I not learn from the other times you did this.
I can not blame anyone else but myself for even giving you the opportunity to hurt me like this again.

I just

want this to last that's all.
I am so in love with you it's ridiculous.
I just know that this can turn out to be something amazing and beautiful.
I know it can if only you would try.
I know you have "problems" but I can deal with them.
We can get through it together.
Love is all you need.
It really is.
Just, I know this won't end.

Tonight

was horrible.
How can you love someone but not want to be with them?
How can you say you love someone and say you want a break from them?
Love doesn't take a break.
Love does over power everything.
How can someone say they don't have feelings?
Yet, they do.
I just don't fucking get this.
I feel like shit.
I've been so happy.
I want nothing other than you. And it will always be that way.
I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you. I love you more than anything. Umfs. Please don't leave me. I need you. And I know that you need me. We were meant to be together. And I know that you know that also. I know that you have problems. But, I also know that we can make it through them together.
I try so hard. And I know that you can try too.
I can not handle getting hurt again. I've done it so many times now. I've tried to be without you. It's not possible. We don't need time away from each other. We need more time together. And I know this. Ecks. All we need is each other.
Just please don't leave me.
Please.

I Can't

believe that this could be happening again.
I can't deal with this again.
:(
I love you so much.
I will be different.
I promise.
I won't ask for anything anymore.
I will deal with the way you are.
Please don't leave me.
We ARE perfect for each other. I know we are. I love you so much. And I KNOW that you love me to.

I wish

that my positive attitude would come back.
It's gone.
And I have no one here for me.
I just want someone to listen. Like they used to.
That's all I want.
I just want from him.

What I really wish I could tell you.

That's all I ask for.
I just want our love that I know is still there to become what it once was again.
I am sorry for what I did. I am more than sorry. I would do anything to take it back.
But, I can't.
I didn't think about how much I was hurting you when I did what I did.
I would never hurt you again. I could never even think of hurting you again.
You hurt me, I know it was after what I did to you, so it doesn't make it as bad.
But, no matter what you did to me. I would love you the same.
I just want you to love me like you used to again. That's all I want.
You are the love of my life. You light up everything. I finally found someone who loves me for me. Who I'd do anything for. Who I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. I got scared and hurt you. But, I swear to you on my life that I could never hurt you again.
You are my everything. Basically all I care about. All I want in life. You hold my heart. I just want yours back. I promise with everything I've got that I won't break it again. I've mended it. I know I have, and I will be careful with it this time. I wont ever mess up again. We have so much love for each other. I know we do, I can feel it. I feel the same about you like I did when I first realized I loved you. No matter what you did to me, that wouldn't go away. I know you needed time. And I will be patient with you. I just wish that it wouldn't take so long. I just want to receive more of what I give back. I just want love from you. I just want to make you happy like how you make me happy, That's all I want. I can not imagine my life without you. And I will do everything possible to keep you mine. I don't want to be with any one other than you. And I know you feel the same way. I know you do. I wish I could tell this all to you. I wish that I had to courage to tell you everything that I just wrote down. But, I am too scared. I am too scared to do anything. I am a coward. Gah!
I just want you to feel the same way you did about me before. I know it's possible I do. :[
Just, please, love me the way you did before again. :(((

I just don't understand

why you feel the need to make me feel so shitty. I'd do anything and everything for you. So I guess I just have to get used to it. It's how you are. And as long as you truly love me. I will get used to it. I want to spend my whole life with you, and I will do anything to make that possible. Maybe I just let dumb things get to me. Maybe I am just taking things to seriously. Eh. I don't know. This blog is just a random ramble to help me feel a bit better, I've learned no one actually cares when I am upset anymore, so I don't even want to waste my time trying to find someone to listen to me. So, I don't know. Gah. Goodnight I suppose.

I Wish

that this drama would end.
I am not even involved in it.
But, I am tired of hearing it.
Gah.
FCKD.

I want

a new group of friends.
I don't want to rid myself of all of them.
Only a few.
I just can't handle a couple of them anymore.
Seriously.
I don't know how to go about that though, because we are all in a big group of friends.

This day

Will always mean the same to me. It's when my life truly began. And I will celebrate this day without you if i have to. I just see what happened as a rough patch, but I never lost my love for you. That is why today still means something to me. I just wish it still meant something to you.

इ guess

ठाट इ ऍम गोइंग तो हवे तो गेट उसेद तो थिस। इ जुस्त वांट सम ऑफ़ थे लव ठाट इ गिवे यू बेक। ठाट'स अल। इ जुस्त दोन'टी क्नोव वहत तो दो। इ जुस्त वांट यू तो केयर अबाउट में ठाट वे ठाट इ केयर अबाउट यू। ठाट'स अल। आईटी'डी बे सो नीचे इफ यू दीद।

I can't

believe it's really possible to be this happy again.
I am so very happy.
I love it.
I do.
I thought happiness was just a memory that I would never relive.
That's all I've become is happy. I don't want to let small things bother me anymore. It's apart of life, and I am just going to say fuck it. You can't pull me down.
I've been in such good moods lately.
I love it. I really do.
I am finally me again.
I've learned to make myself somewhat happy by myself without having to complete rely on you.
I hope that makes your job a lot easier..
I love that you deal with me when I am a bitch.
Everything is perfect. It really is.
Even when we get into an argument I can't stay mad at you.
GAH!
I am totally rambling and just going everywhere with this blog.
I don't even care. I am so happy, And I love you so much.
Everything is great.
And I AM making everything better. XDDDD

Love

Does exsist. I know that now.
I was wrong before.
I'm so thnakful that I have you back.
You're my everything.
I am sorry for everything I've done.
I know you won't forgive me.
But, I love you more than anything.

You make me so happy.
I make myself happy.
ahha.
I'm so happy and content with everything.
I know that EVERYTHING will only get better from here.
And I am going to TRY so hard to make sure it gets better.
XDDD

Bahha.
I love good moods. <3

I'm

content with everything
I am never really upset anymore and I love it.
Oh please, I hope everything only gets better from here.
XD

I can't fall asleep without Danny next to me. And I love that. I love him. Bah. I'm so in love.

I think

it's safe for my heart. I really do. I'm not scared anymore. I love you so much. And I finally trust you with my heart again. You give me the greatest feelings ever. Feelings that I adore. I'm head over heels for you. I really am. <3.

I've never been so scared in my life

I've never been so scared in my life. I've never been so scared thinking about one person hurting me. If it happens again, I just don't know what I'd do. I really don't. I've never wanted to be with one person so bad. I've never wanted to spend the rest of my life with one person. I've never really wanted a future with just one person. But, I'm just so scared that I am going to get hurt again. I've still put my heart completely in. Let's just hope this time, it lasts like I know it should.

And I've shut down

Completly now.
I'm done.
I'm done with everything and everyone.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything I've done.

I can not do this anymore

I really can't.
I've been hanging by a string for too long, but now I can't do this.
I can't.
I am completely shutting down.

I don't know how

to compute all of this. I just don't know. I don't want to move away from the place that I grew up. I thought we'd always be there. And even after the flood, i thought that we'd be right there, just in a new house, but hey, we remodled is what I'd tell myself. But, now we have to move somewhere else. I just can not do t his. I don't know why. ecks. And I have no one.. Everyone's walked away from me. I need someone. I need someone now. But, the only person I ever open up to, actually the only person that I trust left me. How the fuck can I get through this. I know it could be worse. But right now for me, this is my worst. If that makes sense. Blah. I think I've lost my mind fo realz this time. I'm starting to not feel like myself again. Fuck.

I think

I'm just going to vanish for awhile. I can not do this anymore. :( I hate everything. I hate me. I want to get away.

I'm pathetic

I know that I am. :(. I love this fucking blog, it's my only friend. Lol.

I hate

you so much right now. I do. I hate that you're making me feel so crappy. I hate how you are making me blame myself when you did all of this. I hate you. You don't deserve any of the love I give you. Yet I still give it. No matter how crappy you treat me you still get it. I hate that I finally opened again and gave someone my heart after I promised that I never would again. I trusted you with it, You said you'd never break it. Yet, you managed to break it more than once. Why do I love you so much? This is not fair at all. Why can't I get over you? I hate that I can't. I've tried so hard. But I can't do it. I want to get over you so bad. Yet, for some reason I am still waiting around thinking that you are going to come around again. Be yourself. But, that isn't going to happen. I need to get that through my stupid head. But, it just won't go through. I hate myself. I hate you.

Everyone

gives up one me too easily. I can't do this anymore. My mistakes have ruined my life. And I just want everything to go back to how it was. I pray so hard for them to. I just want my life back, it was so amazing. I hate myself for everything I've done. I can not stop crying. I can not stop praying. That's all I do. I want to believe that love outstands anything. But, I just don't know. I want to wait for you. I do. But, I no longer want to be a burden on you. :[

I hate

how i put you before anyone else. But, you always put me last. I hate how I have to drop everything to spend time with you only when you want to spend time with me. But, if I asked you to do the same thing there is no way you'd do it. I hate how much effort I put into this when it seems as if you are not putting any in at all. I hate that I love you so much even though you've been putting me through hell. I just want everything to go back to how it was. It can. If you really loved me you'd try as hard as you could. Please. For me?

How to deal

with the fact that the love of you life could leave you at any second? I hate this feeling. I want to be promised that he's never going to leave. I want forever. This hurts so much. You make my world go 'round. You're my everything. God. I feel so strongly about you. I'm so attached even though I am trying not to be. It sucks. I just want to be your everything also. I'd never hurt you again in any way. I can not even think about ever hurting you again.I wish I could say this to your face, but I am too scared to talk about this with you. I do not want you to get mad at me because I am upset. Or not mad, frustrated with the fact that you do not know what to do about this all. I hate having emotions. I wish they would all go away.

It seems

like you have a lot of growing up to do.
You claim you love me, yet you tell me this could all end maybe tommorrow, maybe a month, maybe a year? You say you are afraid of commitment, yet, i know you are not. Why do you do this to me? I'm not asking you to commit anything to me, besides aknowledge that I am your girlfriend. That's all. Fucks. I don't know how to do this anymore. You're the love of my life. I wish I could just stop loving you. My life would be so much easier. You're the most amazing person I've ever met, but, you've also hurt me more than I thought was possible. I am slowly breaking down.

Love

God, I am so head over heels for him. I love him to death. But is it safe to feel this way? I hope it is. You've got me, hopefully he wants to keep me.



[[Obviously he didn't want to keep me]]

Seems

like I'm head over heels about you once again. I find myself terrified though that you are going to turn your back on me once again. I need you in my life. I need your love. I give you so much love that I just don't know what I'd do if you screw me over AGAIN. I do want to marry you. I never even believed in marriage before. I just thought it was nothing more than something to I don't know, keep someone occupied. But, I want to be yours forever, and I want everyone to know that I am yours. Eh, I hope that you catch me.

The scariest thing

in my life happend this morning. I don't want to get into details. But basically it was armed robbery. Eh. This all just made me realize what shit the world is comming to. How people have no respect for one another. How most people are not even decent these days. God I was so scared. So scared. Blah. I wish the world would become a better place.

Everything

Is going good now. I hope it stays this way. I've never wanted anything more than I want this. Maybe this is how it's going to be from now on. Oh my I hope so. No. No. I KNOW so. Everything is so amazing. And I am going to make sure it stays this way. It needs to be this way. Everything is finally falling in to it's correct place. Finally.

I should be happy right?

Or pretend that I am at least. I mean maybe he's doing this because he know it bothers me? He knows I'd do anything for him right than and there no matter the consequences. I know I should work on getting over him. But I just can't. I love him so much. So much. I love him more than I ever thought was possible to love another human. I love him more than I love myself. I'd die for him. I'd do anything honestly. I just want to be with him more than anything. He makes my world go round. Blah. Help me.

I've become

a horrible person. I've lost my only good friend and the love of my life. Everything I love is gone. Everything. I've never been so alone. I never want to be so alone. I just do not get why this is happening. Everything got so much better. Everything was amazing. Why is God punnishing me for everything I have done wrong. I regret everything I did, and I never NEVER regret anything. But, I did not think that I'd ever lose you. I want to be with you forever. You do not want to be with me, so what do I do? I be alone. I honestly will not find anyone better for me than you. Everyone besides you will be a mistake, or something to take my mind off of you. I never ment to hurt you. I never ment to drive you away. I admit that it was me that did this all. I am sorry. I am. I never ment for any of this to happen. I never EVER wanted to lose you. I love you. I do. Nothing will ever change that. I lost myself for a bit, but I realized what I was doing wrong. It was to late? It was apparetntly. I made myself too vaulnurable. I allowed myself to get hurt not once... but twice by you. You are such a great person I didn't think that it could happen again. We all make mistakes and I didn't think you could make such a huge one twice. You did though. And I freaked out on you. Blamed you for everything. Said a lot of things I didn't mean. It's hard to deal with this. It is not even the fact that your regecting me. It's the fact that I love you so much and you are regecting me. I've never loved anyone so much in my entire life. Never. And I never will. I never even knew it was possible to love someone as much as I love you. I don't feel safe unless I'm with you. I don't feel comfort unless I'm with you. I feel nothing but pain, anger, and depression when you're not with me. I can't do this. I want to end my life without you. Call me dumb call me whatever. I don't care. It's how I feel. I need you. I do. :[ I have no one else to give all my love to. I don't want to give my love to anyone else but you. Help me God. Help me.

More and More Each Day

I die a little more. I can't do this anymore. I really can't. I don't know how to deal with it. Honestly I don't want to deal with it. Everything is so fucked up. So fucked up. I hate practically everything. When will I be happy again? When will things go my way? Will I be miserable forever? I can't be happy without you. My mistakes made me see that. I can't. You are my everything. You really are. I really believe that we were ment to be together. I can't give up. I won't give up. Should I give up?

I don't understand

How you sleep at night knowing you're doing this to me. How each day I die a little more inside. Knowing that I love you to death and would do anything for you and you don't even care? Knowing that we do belong together. I know you know it. Knowing that you just up and left me. Knowing that if you don't give it another chance, there will always be that "what if" feeling at the back of your head, constantly for the rest of your life. There will be oh trust me. Knowing that my heart explodes over and over again each day. Knowing I cry myself to sleep every night. Knowing I'd give up anything just to hear your voice even for a split second. Knowing that YOU were the one who gave up. Knowing that you managed to ruin me. Knowing that I want to give up on life. Knowing that I feel hate twords you which I never thought was possible. Knowing that I'd kill for you. Knowing I can't make it a whole day without crying over you. BLAH. Knowing that I do deserve a second chance. Knowing that now YOU'RE the one being selfish. Knowing that YOU'RE the bad guy now. Knowing that EVERYTHING you went through was pointless since you just pulled this childsish shit in the end. FUCKS WHY CAN ANYTHING GO MY WAY? GOD STRIKE ME TO THE GROUND RIGHT NOW. I CAN'T BE WITHOUT HIM ANYMORE. I DON'T WANT TO BE WITHOUT HIM ANYMORE.

Blah.

Circles..
Round and round and round and round..
Blah.
Nothing new. Nope. Never.
Fucks.
Everything sucks.

Why is this happening?

Blah. You said you loved me. You said you wanted to be with me. How can feelings like that change withen a night like you claim. How can you throw everything we had away in one fucking day. Why are you doing this to me? I know I did wrong. But, I was going to mend it all. We were going to mend it all. I know that we belong together. I was molded for you, how do you not see it? I try so fucking hard, yet, nothing. Fucks. My heart explodes over and over again each day. I just want to die. I really do. I hate everything because of you. You're all that matters. You really are. Fucks. Why won't you leave my mind? Everything reminds me of you. EVERYTHING. FUCKS. Where'd your heart go? I had it. But, I lost it. Give it back, we'll be happy. I promise. Fucks. Fucks. Fucks. I never knew it was possible to love on person so much. Even when you treat me like shit, I just want you more. Blah blah blah. Everything is wrong without you. You're my center. Blah. Blah.