Wow.

I can't believe that I haven't blogged anything in such awhile.
So, much has changed. And although things still aren't the greatest, everything is just amazing. Having a child changes everything. She brings so much joy to me it's unreal... I don't know what I'd do without her now, I really don't.

I can't sleep.

I wish I wouldn't have gotten used to the fact that I have been able to sleep.
Nothing in my life can go right. And I have just made up my mind that life isn't worth all this pain.
There's no point to anything.
Not for me anyways. Everything comes tumbling around me all at once.. I put all my heart, soul, and faith into this. I have wanted this for so long. From day one. I wanted to be here. I just want to be happy. It's just not possible without you. I am pathetic. I still feel the same way I did about you the very first time I realized I loved you. I can still remember the first night I said it to you.. And you said it back. Every memory I have with you is so clear in my head it's scary. I just want all of that back. I'd do anything. And I'd give up everything and anything just to have all of it back.
I am exhausted. And I just can not do this anymore. I Can't. I tried. I just can't. I am sorry.
You don't understand how much this means to me. How much you mean to me. I don't ever want anyone else. I never will. And I know this for a fact.. I just want everything to be okay.
I just want to stop crying.
I just want you.....

life

just has a funny way of falling apart on me...
it's always all at once.
nothing can ever be right.
and i hate it.

I was right

Once again I was right. I just don't think I should put any trust in anyone ever. I just for once wanted things to stay good. And the way they should be. I hate that I was fooled once again. It isn't fair. Life isn't fair I know, but I give so much when will I get something in return. I don't know what else I could do. I just try my hardest to please you.

The weeks

just keep going by so fast. I wish time would slow down a bit. I am so nervous about this all. >_<.
I know I am ready for it all. I just didn't see this happening this soon. I have always wanted this with you. I always knew this would happen. But, I just wish you felt the same way about it too. I wish I had someone to talk to about all this. My mind hurts from keeping it all in. I just want to make you happy. I want us to make you happy. I hope that happens. I hope everything changes after all this. I really do. I wouldn't change anything about you. I just want you to be happy with me. Like I am happy with you. You're my heart, my soul, my everything. You always have been and you always will be.

I am

starting to miss everything more and more. I miss getting cute little kisses. I miss cuddling. I miss you telling me I am beautiful and how you'll never leave me.
Eh.
I just wish that everything would go back to how it should be.

I guess

I should probably just keep my feelings to myself from now on. I just thought friends were supposed to help you with this stuff? Maybe I am wrong. Maybe that's just how I am..
Eh.
Basically I think I just suck.